Dr Leonard Sax

I have met him on a couple occasions and he is doing some great work!

pornography for boys?

I recently had the privilege of meeting with high school boys at a leading independent school, to have a frank conversation about pornography. I began by quoting Nietzsche: "the degree and kind of a man's sexuality reaches up to the highest reaches of his spirit." I then took the boys on a deep dive into the research. We reviewed the evidence that pornography undermines relational satisfaction, in a dose-dependent way (the more pornography, the less satisfaction with real-world relationships); we saw that that relationship is not linear (y = -x) but quadratic (y = -x2); and of course we talked about the various articles showing how pornography appears to damage the brain. We then discussed how pornography creates false expectations and beliefs. For example: Many young men now believe that most women enjoy anal intercourse. News flash: most women don't like it!

We then looked at the astonishing results from the most recent Youth Risk Behavior Survey of high school students across the country, showing that more than 38% of high school girls now identify as "not straight". We considered various reasons and explanations for why that number is going up and up.

Then I pivoted. I challenged the boys to become better men. What does that mean? I shared with the boys the stories of Joshua Chamberlain, Civil War hero, and of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German pastor who returned to Nazi Germany from a comfortable job in the United States in 1939, fought against the Hitler regime, and was executed in a concentration camp.

The best part was the Q&A. The boys were courteous, respectful, and absolutely on fire with questions. Lots of laughter, lots of fun, but the boys were intensely serious about understanding the issues in play.

If you are associated with a school, church, synagogue, etc. I encourage you to consider hosting a similar conversation. Today, any boy with a smartphone can access unlimited porn. He doesn't need to prove his age. He doesn't need a credit card. Teachers, parents, and anybody else who works with boys, all need to understand the challenges posed by this new world, and equip boys to defend themselves.

Here are my upcoming events through April. If you live near any of these venues, I hope you will consider attending! Send me an email if you need more information about any of these events.

  • The evening of Friday March 15 I will speak to parents at Ivywood Classical Academy in Plymouth, Michigan.

  • On Thursday March 21, I will lead a workshop for teachers at Christ the King School in Atlanta Georgia. That evening, I will speak to parents about helping kids to become UnFragile, to go beyond 'resilience.'

  • On Sunday March 31, I will speak at a conference of school leaders in New York City on strategies for "dealing with difficult parents," with attention to the four types of difficult parents, https://www.leonardsax.com/workshops/teachers-and-administrators/dealing-with-difficult-parents/.

  • On Wednesday April 17, I will lead a workshop for teachers at the Basilica School of St Mary in Alexandria, Virginia; that evening, I will speak to parents.

  • On Friday and Saturday April 26 and 27, I will lead two days of presentations for parents, hosted by St. James the Less parish in Mukwonago, Wisconsin. I will offer six different presentations:

  • Evidence-Based Parenting

  • Cancel the Playdate, Make a Family Date Instead: best practices for parents of young children

  • Boys Adrift: the five factors driving the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys, and what you can do about it

  • Girls on the Edge: the four factors driving the rise in anxiety and depression among girls

  • Beyond "Resilience": why so many kids are now so fragile

  • Why Gender Matters

I would love to customize a presentation for your group. Send an email to me at leonardsax@gmail.com. Or, read comments from people who have attended some of my workshops. You can find descriptions of some of my workshops at https://www.leonardsax.com/workshops/.

Please be in touch!

Leonard Sax MD PhD (author of Why Gender Matters, Boys Adrift, Girls on the Edge, and the New York Times bestseller The Collapse of Parenting)